her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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