He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize