I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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