I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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