Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(708): View more from Illinois

it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn

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(708): it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn http://tfl.nu/jekg

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"

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(920): She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets" http://tfl.nu/73nd

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(972): View more from Texas

P.S. I can't hear my feet

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(972): P.S. I can't hear my feet http://tfl.nu/z4b9

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(909): View more from California

why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?

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(909): why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"? http://tfl.nu/si77

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(316): View more from Kansas

she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.

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(316): she thought the capital of kansas was topanga. http://tfl.nu/ge7r

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(210): View more from Texas

I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.

(1-210): View more from Texas

I love milkshakes.

(210): View more from Texas

Not the point.

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(210): I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat. (1-210): I love milkshakes. (210): Not the point. http://tfl.nu/tb5t

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(720): View more from Colorado

It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants

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(720): It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants http://tfl.nu/j8mk

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(330): View more from Ohio

you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do

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(330): you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do http://tfl.nu/wb06

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.

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(+44): it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it. http://tfl.nu/off0

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(847): View more from Illinois

He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?

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(847): He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/g8mb

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(248): View more from Michigan

He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.

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(248): He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history. http://tfl.nu/5nwi

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(860): View more from Connecticut

omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.

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(860): omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning. http://tfl.nu/wknn

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(615): View more from Tennessee

She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?

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(615): She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable? http://tfl.nu/4ysm

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(859): View more from Kentucky

I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him

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(859): I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him http://tfl.nu/eehd

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(283): View more from Ohio

$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.

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(283): $645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper. http://tfl.nu/b2q3

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