You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Banned from zoo.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.