I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
All of them.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
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She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
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woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".