I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!