You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying