Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
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Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.