i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
25 People Confess What They’re Shamefully Attracted To
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?