She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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