I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
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no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
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Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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