You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
