I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
