Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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