Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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