I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
