What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I need to stop coming to work sober
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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