her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
