MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
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Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
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It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
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