Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Even my vagina gasped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize