I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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