Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
