is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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