I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
