I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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