OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
