Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
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Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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