i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
