So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I wish I only lived at night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
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If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She bit a glass in half.
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i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard