You can't special order awesome
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
25 Children of Helicopter Parents Admit The Most Horrible Thing They Were Put Through
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend