so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
These 19 People Are Into The Grossest Sex Fetishes
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Just high enough for therapy.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
People Weigh In On Whether It’s Okay to Bang Your Roommate
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino