Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz