it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.