Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today