Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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