i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
