Whod you bang
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
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i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.