there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen