So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
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And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
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Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.