I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
