so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize