Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
