im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
