I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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