booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize