worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
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