Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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