I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
