Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
