I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
