dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
