i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
