Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
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