All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize