Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
