Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize