the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
