Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
