woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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