Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
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She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
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She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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