hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
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School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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